Don't you miss it?

"Don't you miss having a boyfriend? Having someone in your life, being intimate with someone, don't you miss the feeling of being in love?"

Someone asked me this today, and I actually stopped to think about it. Do I miss it? Maybe.. It's just that.. I've had boyfriends, I've been "in love". And it was nice, sure. But the feeling I get when the first snow of the year comes down, the feeling when I open my frontdoor and have the freezing cold hit me in the face, the feeling when my dog looks at me and wags her tail, the feeling when I hear a new Kaizers song for the first time, the feeling when I see the Kaizer-men drum on an oilbarrel using a crowbar, the feeling when I listen to the Norwegian radio, or see pictures taken in Norway, or when my big toe touches Norwegian soil.. Those feelings are a thousand times stronger than the feelings I ever had for my fellow human beings. 

The feelings that were the strongest when I was in relationships were insecurity, jealousy, confusion, anger and depression. Yes, it was nice to have someone hold my hand during my panic attacks. But it's much nicer being alone, and not having someone here to cause those panic attacks in the first place. Yes, it was nice to share a meal with someone, but really, if I want someone farting during breakfast, I can have breakfast with my dogs (or on my own, I'm not afraid to admit that I fart!). Yes, it was nice having someone in the house, but it's much easier to vacuum around the couch without having to lift someone's legs because they're too occupied with their xbox game to even realise they're in the way. Yes, it was nice sleeping together, but it's nicer to wear sloppy pyjamas (really, sexy pyjamas are SO uncomfortable!), have the entire blanket to myself, and NOT have someone snoring in my ear or drooling on my pillow.

I guess I don't miss it.